just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
