You're earring is so big in my mouth
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
