he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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