it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
