Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
nutella sex= disaster
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
