There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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