yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
