goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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