i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
