tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
