The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
