I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
