I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
