I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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