I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
