so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
