You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
