I cannot find my penis.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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