I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
