i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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