That's intense
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
