well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
