Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
