Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
