So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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