i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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