ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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