Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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