This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
