is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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