We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
