I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
