don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
