Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
