we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
