She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
