Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
