Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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