I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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