i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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