two words: eviction party
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
