I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
