Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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