So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
