Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
