I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize