pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
