Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
