We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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