I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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