Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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